Period

My period is officially one day late. Cross your fingers for me.

Annoyances

I hate the way Boyfriend says, "Another bowl of cereal?" when I add some more cereal to my bowl. As if he doesn't eat, like, 4 bowls a day. Or like he didn't have half a casserole tray of tater tot casserole for lunch today. Ugh!

Sorry! + Weight + Plans + Liquid Fast?

Sorry that I haven't been updating much. I just feel like such a failure. I've been eating and eating and eating, everything in sight. Even when I'm not hungry, I'm stuffing my face. I don't have access to a scale, but I'm sure I'm quite a few pounds up in weight. I feel so gross.

But here's a story: about a week ago, Boyfriend and I were talking about weight, and I mentioned how everyone thinks I'm younger than I am, lighter than I am, and a bigger cup size than I am. Since he knows my birthdate and bra size, he tried to guess my weight. And his guess? 130! Sure, it's a lot higher than I want to be (110) but it's also a lot less than I am right now.

No pictures this post, as I'm on campus before work.

Plans for tomorrow:
-work out for at least 1.5 hours
-40 calorie Green Giant cauliflower-and-cheese tray for lunch
-egg fried rice for supper
-lots of water

Also, I'm thinking about trying another 24-hour liquid fast. I'd have to get some LifeWaters and stuff to drink so that I'm not just stuck with water. Anyone want to do it with me?

Blogger Addict Award

I just saw that Liz gave me the Blogger Addict Award. Thanks, sweetie!

So, the rules are that I have to list 5 things I love, 5 things I hate, and 5 people I award it to. Here we go.

5 Things I Love:
-Techno Music: 'nuff said.
-Rowing Machines: They hurt my hands after a while, but they feel so good on your arms.
-Baking: I love cooking and baking for other people. I adore taking care of people when they come over.
-Dinner Mints: om nom nom.
-Lip Gloss: especially the ones that smell sweet.

5 Things I Hate:
-Swarms of Small Bugs: they get in your eyes, get stuck on mentioned lip gloss, and are so annoying.
-Heat: I do bad in the heat. I get sick, start shaking, and sometimes hallucinate.
-Cola: I hate all colas. They taste so bad.
-Hangnails: ouch.
-Folding Laundry: I love doing laundry, but putting it away is boring and I don't like it.

5 People I Give The Award To:
-Violet
-Hollow
-Rae
-Haley
-and, of course, back to Liz, who has always supported me.

Broccoli and Cheese Trays!

Liz has mentioned these broccoli and cheese trays that she eats. Well, I needed to buy milk, so I found them and bought them! today. I just took one out of the microwave, and it looks good. Thanks, darling!

Exercise, Part Two

I'm heading back to the fitness room now. I can't stay as long this time, since I'll have to shower and get ready for the fancy dinner tonight. But it's better than nothing!

Exercise

I'm back from spending an hour in the fitness room. All stretched, ran on the treadmill, crunches, leg lifts, elliptical, etc. I'm feeling so good. Going to do laundry and watch some more of Center Stage (again) and then head back there.

Today

Yesterday was Boyfriend's sister's birthday, so his family and I are going out to eat at some fancy place tonight. To make up for that, I'm planning to just have a Mountain Dew today, and I'm going to go to the fitness room and work out for at least 1.5 hours.

This girl is adorable:

I wish I were that cute.

Inspiration - Dance

Binge and (Almost) Purge

Yesterday was awful. Lunch with my friend wasn't too bad. We went to Noodles & Company, and I had a small bowl of their mac 'n' cheese, which is too good to be believed. But then I went to work. And I ate everything I could. Some butterscotch candies, some donut holes, some chocolate donuts, a 100 Grand bar, a Kit Kat, and probably more that I'm forgetting. I just shoved food in my pockets and ate when no one was around. My stomach was so full, I almost threw up on the floor. And I came so close to just walking into the bathroom and throwing up it all. But I've told myself that as long as I'm having my period and as long as I'm not throwing up or abusing laxatives, what I do isn't too bad. It may not be true, but it's what I believe. So I kept it all down. I feel so gross. Today is going to be as little and as light of food as possible. Maybe just a Mountain Dew and a slice of leftover pizza. We'll see.

Thesis + "Thin" + Lunch

I just finished that thesis I mentioned in my last post. I also did a search for "eating disorders" in my library's catalogue, and discovered that we have a lot more books hiding away than what I've read. I wrote down the call numbers of them, so before work I'm going to check some of them out.

I also found out that we have a copy of the documentary Thin. Have any of you seen it? I'd heard of it, but never seen it, so I might check it out as well.

I'm leaving soon to get lunch with a guy friend. We both work on campus, so we're meeting up while he's on his break. We're not really close, but he asked me if I'd get lunch with him a few weeks ago. It's got me curious, as normally he just talks to Boyfriend, as they're really good friends. And as I'm close with his recent-ex-girlfriend, I'm wondering if he's going to use this lunch to dig for information. I guess we'll see soon enough. I don't know where we'll be going, but hopefully it'll be somewhere with cheap food and small portions.

Hunger and Thirst + Reading

The past few days I've noticed that I've had a greatly diminished appetite. Yay! However, I'm constantly thirsty. At work, I keep seeking out bubblers (water fountains, etc.) and gulping down cold water. I'm just so thirsty. But that's better than hungry.

Also, I'm in the library now reading a thesis from the mid-90s about eating disorders and women's literature. It's really interesting. I'd recommend it to you, but it's a thesis, and therefore you wouldn't be able to find it unless you were at my university. But whatever.

Please Help

Hey guys. This is short notice, and off topic, but if you see this within the next hour, please go to this link and vote for the Kristin Brooks Hope Center. They're trying to win $250k to help prevent suicide.

http://bit.ly/vote_hope

Suicide is a big issue in my life, and probably in most of yours, so please help them out.

Fittings

Today I had fittings for a photo shoot I'm planning. I'm not a model, but I was talked into trying on an outfit as well. And as I was putting it on, a friend grabbed my camera and took some pictures. I love this one.

Yesterday was awesome!

As I said, yesterday a friend came to visit. I ate only a dinner mint before she came, and when she got here, we went out walking around a festival that's going on here. We wandered and took lots of pictures of each other, then went back to my apartment. We made a cheese pizza (which I had two small slices of) and had Mountain Dew. Then we went up to my roof and jumped and danced and just fooled around in the sun, watching the sunset. We had so much fun.

Here's my friend spinning on the roof:


And I guess I should also have one of me, taken by the above friend:

Today and Yesterday

Yesterday went pretty well, exercise-wise. Did squats while work was slow, and did leg lifts before bed.

Today is going great. Nothing to eat so far but a dinner mint and a gulp of Mountain Dew. I'm hanging with a friend today, and I think I'm going to make pizza for us, but I'm already worked out a bunch today. Dancing, leg lifts, squats, stretches, etc. It's a beautiful day.

Also, I'm wearing shorts! For the first time in years.

Fudgesicles

Oh my gosh! Fudgesicles are only 40 calories for one. Awesome. I love these things.

Snooping + Points

I think Boyfriend was snooping through my computer while I was at work last night. I came home to find that my browsing history had been deleted, which I don't do. And Boyfriend's own laptop is right over there, on the desk, so it's not that he was just using mine. I'm suspicious.

Also, today I'm starting the Point Challenge that I posted yesterday. Join me! I've already worked out for 15 minutes (with exercise videos on Netflix), though I have had 250 calories already. No more, besides finishing my mixed fruit from yesterday.

Inspiration - Ballet

Point System

Just found this on the Why Eat forums and thought I'd try it. I'm going to start tomorrow. If you want to too, comment and let me know how many points you've got!

Death

By the way, my dad died yesterday. And before everyone starts in with the grief and pity, I'm fine. He's been out of my life for years and years. The only reason I even know is because I have to give my permission to have him cremated, so I had to be contacted.

Life is weird though.

Today's Plans

Already:
-went swimming for a while, but my elbow started to hurt
-no breakfast

Rest of today:
-fruit salad for lunch
-bike to work and back
-100+ crunches
-stretching for 30 minutes
-as small a supper as possible
-Mountain Dew for energy

Abbreviations and Terminology

Abbreviations:

ED - Eating Disorder.
EDNOS - Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
Ana - Anorexia Nervosa, Anorexic, Anoretic.
Mia - Bulimia Nervosa, Bulimic.
BDD - Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
BPD - Borderline Personality Disorder.
OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
SI - Self Injury.
ABC - Ana Boot Camp. (A form of crash diet.)
Cal - Calories.
C - Often succeeding a number and aso referring to calories.
Pro, Pro-ED - Refers to the promotion of an Anorexia, Bulimia & EDNOS as a lifestyle choice rather than an eating disorder.
Chewspit - Chew food & spit it out.
Pro-Ana - Refers to the promotion of Anorexia as a lifestyle choice rather than an eating disorder.
Pro-Mia - Refers to the promotion of Bulimia as a lifestyle choice rather than an eating disorder.
CW - Current weight.
SW - Starting weight.
LW - Lowest weight attained at current height.
HW - Highest weight attained at current height.
GW - Goal weight.
GW1, GW2, GW3 - Goal weights in an order squence.
UGW - Ultimate goal weight.
B/P - To binge & then go on to purge (see below for details).

Terminology:
(Terminology & other commonly used words, Just incase you don't know.)
Restrict - Usually used to refer to limiting ones caloric intake.
Purge - Usually used to refer to self-induced vomiting but can also be used to describe other forms of rapid calorie removal from the human body, including but not limited to, over exercising, laxative abuse & anti-caloric-absorption diet pill abuse.
Clean Purge - When one self-induces vomiting and they purge all that they possibly can out.
Dry Purge - When one self-induces vomiting and they purge very little or nothing out.
Binge - A very commonly used term that usually reefers to consuming an unusually large portion of food (or at least for the individual doing so), with or without control.
Binge Mode - When the subject feels they have no control & they are almost being forced to, eat, eat, eat!
Water Fast - A detox diet where the subject goes through a long period of only consuming water.
Classic Fast - A detox diet where the subject goes through a long period of only consuming water, coke, coffee, tea, squash & other beverages of low nutritional value.
Juice Fast - A detox diet where the subject goes through a long. period of only consuming water & fruit juices.
Liquid Fast - A detox diet where the subject goes through a long period of only consuming only the following, water, juice, coffee, soda, milk, broth & other liquid beverage.
Strength Fast - A detox diet where the subject goes through one of the previous fasts stated above with the intent to improve their mental determination.
Thinspiration, Thinspo - Photographs or other material intended to provide inspiration for anorexia nervosa as a lifestyle choice.
Reverse Thinspiration, Reverse Thinspo - Photographs of clinically obese people more often than not eating junk food used with the intention to provide inspiration for anorexia nervosa as a lifestyle choice.
Bloated - Balloon Belly (Better description coming soon).
Laxative - A food, tea or drug that stimulates evacuation of the bowels.
Trigger - It is a sight, scent, touch, sound, action or lack of any of these or any combinations that causes one to react in a certain manner. ie. eat, binge, purge, restrict, fast, cry, smile .etc, triggering the subject to act in a certain way.
Tendency - When followed by an abbreviation such as "Ana", an ana tendency would refer to acting with anorexic characteristics, where as a mia tendency would refer to acting with bulimic characteristics.

From the Why Eat forums.

Right?

I'm more attractive than her, right? Please tell me I'm more attractive than her. I'm sick of Boyfriend drooling over her. It's even worse because I can't talk to him about it. I can't even be upset, since he always gets angry whenever I'm upset about anything,

Now I'm torn between eating everything (besides the hamburgers in the fridge) and just giving up on food altogether. My personality obviously can't keep him around anymore, since he ignores me whenever other girls are around, so maybe it's time to drop this weight fast and try to at least catch his eye now and then.

I'm so sick of this.

Stay stronger than me, girls.

Edit: Ha! She's using the photo above (uncropped and without the blur) as her profile picture on Facebook. How ironic.

BBQ

I'm at the BBQ now, That Girl is almost here, and I just learned that Boyfriend has shown his guy friends pictures of her from Facebook. Apparently they've all talked about how hot she is. I want to wring her neck.

Contact

Hey girls! If you ever want to get in touch outside of this blog, here's how you can.

E-mail/MSN Messenger: thepointecomplex [AT] hotmail [DOT] com
Formspring: http://www.formspring.me/PointeComplex
Twitter: @pointecomplex

Fourth of July

Tomorrow is the 4th. Boyfriend and I are having a cook out with some friends to show off our new place. I'll probably just be having a veggie burger and grilled corn. I can't not eat, since people will be over all day, but at least it's healthy stuff. I'm very nervous about some of our guests, though. One of our friends is bringing a girl we know, and his ex-girlfriend, who we are also friends with, is coming. They just broke up last weekend, and he cared about her a lot, so I'm nervous. Also, the girl that I was afraid Boyfriend was going to cheat on me with is going to be here. I haven't met her, but I've seen pictures, and she's so pretty. And she's the girl that can call him late at night and have him tripping over himself to go to the bars with her and some classmates, even when he refuses to do anything with me. I'll probably spend way too much time tonight and tomorrow morning stressing about what I'm going to wear. I need to look better than her.

Today

Today has been a nice, laid-back day. Boyfriend came with me to brunch with a couple of friends from school, and we even took his motorcycle there. I feel so cool riding it, even though I hate turns.

The two of us also went to our building complex's fitness room today. I tried everything a little and discovered that the side thing on the treadmill works as a barre if no one's using it. I also went out onto the sun deck to work on dance stuff. (By the way, since my old sneakers got tossed in the move, I was working out in my ballet slippers.) I was trying to get this one off-balance spin right, but the flooring was too slippery, so I kept "falling" too far. But I did leg presses and pull-downs and worked on my legs/abs. As we were leaving, Boyfriend teased me about how I hadn't run "your five miles." I just haven't worked out hardcore for so long that I need to slowly get back into things.

I'm thinking that I may head back over there for a while, even though that'll mean I'll have to come back while his guy friends are over. And I still need to put away laundry. So my least favorite part of laundry.

Stay cute, girls!

p.s. There's a new poll over on the right. Go vote!