New Year's Eve

It's nearly 4pm, and I've done nothing all day. I was awake until around 5 this morning though, as my cold has turned into a hacking cough. Also, I was so restless that I kept kicking the blankets off of me and rolling around, trying to get comfortable. It was a bad night.

So far today, I've had a spoonful of honey and a small Hasselback potato. (Look them up; they take a while to prepare, but they're delicious.) I'm going to head over to the fitness room once I get dressed, and then I need to clean the apartment in preparation for people coming over tomorrow.

It's just so dreary here. It's winter, and usually we get tons of snow, but it's been around 50 degrees and foggy and rainy here. Weird.

Sick...

...again. Boyfriend gave me his cold. I knew it was coming, since I could feel it creeping up on me the last couple days, but last night it was hard to sleep. And now I'm just an exhausted mess in constant need of tissues. And I have to work for 4.5 hours tonight. It's time for cold medicine, I guess.

Also, I didn't get to work out today. Tomorrow's plan is a bagel for breakfast, a small bowl of cereal for lunch, and an apple for supper. I've got to ease myself back into restricting or I know I'll just get sicker.

12:09

Haven't eaten yet today. But I'm craving something sweet like nobody's business. I might have some broccoli and cheese for lunch. Also, tonight is the work holiday party. Get to dress up and go out with Boyfriend. Should be fun.

String Cheese

Oh my gosh, I'd forgotten how much I love string cheese.

"10 Delicious Food Duos Under 150 Calories"

An article from iVillage. Thought you'd be interested.

Today! + Red Bracelets

You girls are gonna be so proud of me. I ate nothing today. Well, besides the Mountain Dew I had (280 calories) and a whole ton of cough drops (no nutrition facts, of course). But I'm feeling great! My plan for tomorrow (besides catching up on laundry) is to head to the uni gym for at least two hours and maybe hit up a dance class at the studio if there's anything interesting.

Edit: Even though I put it in the title, I forgot to talk about red bracelets. Can you tell I haven't been sleeping well? Anyway, I picked up a stein of red yarn yesterday and am making red knot bracelets. It's really fun. One of these days I'll start selling them on here (just for whatever you can give, and through PayPal) for some extra spending money.

Edit Number Two: Boyfriend just called. He wants to go get breakfast food at the 24-hour place by us. Guess I will be eating today, because he'd notice if I didn't. But I can burn it off tomorrow!

Apple Juice

I dont like orange juice. However, I drank half a bottle of it yesterday in an attempt to get over this cold. (And yeah, it's just a cold, but my immune system sucks, so even a cold has me wishing I were dead.)

But last night, Boyfriend drank the rest of my orange juice. So this morning I went to the grocery store to buy more cold medicine and more juice. But I don't like orange juice, so I looked at apple juice. Apparently apple juice has, like, no vitamin C at all! So I was checking all the bottles of apple juice looking for vitamin C, and discovered Tropicana's new Trop50 line of juices. The apple juice has 100% RDA of vitamin C and only 50 calories per serving! It's not as sweet, but it's still very good. I filled my water bottle with it so I can drink it during class today. Hopefully I can feel less like death before work tonight.

Recent Happenings

On Wednesday, I had my first day of jazz dance. We didn't actually dance, but went over the syllabus and got to know each other. The teacher is super upbeat and all of the students seem really nice. A lot of them are freshmen, so I got to explain to them how to get into the building that the class is in (it's off campus and you need to scan your hand and have a pin number) and what shuttle to take. It was nice to be able to help. Also, the room we're in is gorgeous. It's got big, east-facing windows that let in a lot of light and hardwood laminate floors with a strip of marley flooring down the middle to dance on.

One of the main studios on campus has been having new marley floors put in for at least the past week. But yesterday afternoon, it was finally finished! That means that my ballet class was finally out of the tiny studio we were put in and back into the wonderful studio I love. And ballet yesterday was so much fun. I'm getting really close to a musical theater major guy in the class, and the extra room means we can pull the barres out and have a lot more space. Yesterday, ballet was almost nothing but plies. Lots of plies, releves, stretches, etc. We also did some across-the-floor stuff, leaps and skips and diagonally across the room even, like you see in movies. My thighs are still aching.

Today there were open auditions for the big show that the senior dance students put on. Anyone was allowed to come, so I spent two and a half hours having a blast with close to 70 other girls and guys. There were a number of past or current classmates of mine, one of whom had never been to an audition before. I had to reassure her that even if she doesn't get cast, she'll have fun and will never be able to say, "I've never been to one of these before" again. The entire process was so much fun. And afterwards, a couple of the choreographers came into the coffee shop I help out at while I was helping close up. I'm hoping the fact that I recognized them, said hello, and got them cheap delicious drinks will help me. One of them said I did really well, though I'm sure she'd say that to anyone she'd run into. But whatever.

Weightwise, I'm not sure how I'm doing. I haven't been eating much lately, but what I have been eating is all sugary and the like. I've been craving salt and sugar like it's nobody's business. But I've also been doing physical activity every day for classes, so there's a plus. I can't go tomorrow, but maybe I'll head to the gym on Sunday to check my weight.

Exercise + Food + Faire

I went to the gym again today. When I weighed myself before the work-out, I was down to 141.5 pounds! I'm certainly over that now, since I went out to eat with Boyfriend and a friend afterwards, but I spent 40 minutes straight on the elliptical without feeling tired. It was wonderful.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to the Renaissance Faire (like Boyfriend and I do every year with friends) but I don't really feel like it this year. I have nothing to wear and I'm feeling sick. And after going for so many years straight, there's nothing new to see. And I have hundreds (thousands?) of pictures from the faire, so even that isn't a reason to go. I'm thinking I might skip out to do stuff around the apartment and spend some more time at the gym. Now, to think of a way to tell Boyfriend that I don't want to go.

Sorry!

Sorry I haven't been posting much lately. I've been doing better lately, but still eating too much. I have no self-control. Also, I'm not pregnant. Sorry if I worried any of you.

I just feel like I'm not worthy of posting, since I've been doing so poorly. I feel like I'm letting you down. I feel like I'm letting myself down. I'm so worried that I'm going to weigh myself once school starts and I'll be even bigger than I was before summer started.

Help me.

Annoyances

I hate the way Boyfriend says, "Another bowl of cereal?" when I add some more cereal to my bowl. As if he doesn't eat, like, 4 bowls a day. Or like he didn't have half a casserole tray of tater tot casserole for lunch today. Ugh!

Broccoli and Cheese Trays!

Liz has mentioned these broccoli and cheese trays that she eats. Well, I needed to buy milk, so I found them and bought them! today. I just took one out of the microwave, and it looks good. Thanks, darling!

Binge and (Almost) Purge

Yesterday was awful. Lunch with my friend wasn't too bad. We went to Noodles & Company, and I had a small bowl of their mac 'n' cheese, which is too good to be believed. But then I went to work. And I ate everything I could. Some butterscotch candies, some donut holes, some chocolate donuts, a 100 Grand bar, a Kit Kat, and probably more that I'm forgetting. I just shoved food in my pockets and ate when no one was around. My stomach was so full, I almost threw up on the floor. And I came so close to just walking into the bathroom and throwing up it all. But I've told myself that as long as I'm having my period and as long as I'm not throwing up or abusing laxatives, what I do isn't too bad. It may not be true, but it's what I believe. So I kept it all down. I feel so gross. Today is going to be as little and as light of food as possible. Maybe just a Mountain Dew and a slice of leftover pizza. We'll see.

Thesis + "Thin" + Lunch

I just finished that thesis I mentioned in my last post. I also did a search for "eating disorders" in my library's catalogue, and discovered that we have a lot more books hiding away than what I've read. I wrote down the call numbers of them, so before work I'm going to check some of them out.

I also found out that we have a copy of the documentary Thin. Have any of you seen it? I'd heard of it, but never seen it, so I might check it out as well.

I'm leaving soon to get lunch with a guy friend. We both work on campus, so we're meeting up while he's on his break. We're not really close, but he asked me if I'd get lunch with him a few weeks ago. It's got me curious, as normally he just talks to Boyfriend, as they're really good friends. And as I'm close with his recent-ex-girlfriend, I'm wondering if he's going to use this lunch to dig for information. I guess we'll see soon enough. I don't know where we'll be going, but hopefully it'll be somewhere with cheap food and small portions.

Hunger and Thirst + Reading

The past few days I've noticed that I've had a greatly diminished appetite. Yay! However, I'm constantly thirsty. At work, I keep seeking out bubblers (water fountains, etc.) and gulping down cold water. I'm just so thirsty. But that's better than hungry.

Also, I'm in the library now reading a thesis from the mid-90s about eating disorders and women's literature. It's really interesting. I'd recommend it to you, but it's a thesis, and therefore you wouldn't be able to find it unless you were at my university. But whatever.

Today and Yesterday

Yesterday went pretty well, exercise-wise. Did squats while work was slow, and did leg lifts before bed.

Today is going great. Nothing to eat so far but a dinner mint and a gulp of Mountain Dew. I'm hanging with a friend today, and I think I'm going to make pizza for us, but I'm already worked out a bunch today. Dancing, leg lifts, squats, stretches, etc. It's a beautiful day.

Also, I'm wearing shorts! For the first time in years.

Fudgesicles

Oh my gosh! Fudgesicles are only 40 calories for one. Awesome. I love these things.

Snooping + Points

I think Boyfriend was snooping through my computer while I was at work last night. I came home to find that my browsing history had been deleted, which I don't do. And Boyfriend's own laptop is right over there, on the desk, so it's not that he was just using mine. I'm suspicious.

Also, today I'm starting the Point Challenge that I posted yesterday. Join me! I've already worked out for 15 minutes (with exercise videos on Netflix), though I have had 250 calories already. No more, besides finishing my mixed fruit from yesterday.

Point System

Just found this on the Why Eat forums and thought I'd try it. I'm going to start tomorrow. If you want to too, comment and let me know how many points you've got!

Today's Plans

Already:
-went swimming for a while, but my elbow started to hurt
-no breakfast

Rest of today:
-fruit salad for lunch
-bike to work and back
-100+ crunches
-stretching for 30 minutes
-as small a supper as possible
-Mountain Dew for energy